Timonspodcast

The Big Picture - AFBF/Dadcast

Aiming for Biblical Families (AFBF). This is week 4's teaching of an 8-week series taught by my dad. We will only release 7 of the 8 episodes. Show notes below. The show Questions are below that.
 
I want to relate here the four phases of parenting that Growing Kids material outlines.
Discipline phase: 1-5 years. The primary goal of this phase is to establish your right to lead. This is not oppressive authority, but loving authority. Children under five or are too young to operate with understanding or make wise decisions on their own. You must have boundaries that lead to freedom when they can behave in a responsible way.But until they reach that maturity, you have to be the “law.”
Training phase : 6-12 years. During this phase, you are showing your childrenwhat to do and how to do it, and you are explaining why they are doing what they’re doing. They are practicing how to deal with life. Their decisions must begin to flow from their heart not from your rules.
Coaching phase: 13-19 years. During this phase, you are giving wisdom andadvice to your children. You need to begin to move to the sideline so that they can learn from their own failures and successes. But you are still there to protect them or help them when they have a glitch. But you want them to take ownership of decisions, to make their own decisions. This is the mark of maturity.
Friendship phase: 20 and older. Now that they have grown to make their owndecisions and are old enough to have their own family, they can be your friends. They will always be your child, and you can always exchange advice, ideas, and wisdom with them a trusted friend. But you must let them command their own ship.
 
Growing Kids did a good job at outlining these phases of parenting. I like tobreak this down into three simpler phases. These age groupings are subjective, they depend on each child's maturity, this is not a hard and fast rule.
Parental authority phase: 1 – 6 or 7. In this phase you are the parent, you are incharge. This does not mean you are a tyrant. But you have been working for years, you pay bills, you understand the hardships of life, you’ve been through some hard knocks.You should be the one at the helm of the family ship. You have earned this position. Not that you are a dictator over your children; but, your job is to guide and protect them from things they don’t understand. You have to be the one in charge during this phase in order to protect them and train them for what they will deal with later in life.
Coaching phase: 8 – 16 or 17. During this phase you want to start training yourchildren to have the ability to begin thinking through situations for themselves. You want to coach them or guide them through decisions that they make or difficulties that they face. Someday you’re not going to be there to make decisions for them. Help them make successful decisions now while you are still around. Let them make a decision and then discuss the outcome. You want them to know how to turn to God for answers. You want them to know that God is their father and that their faith in Him is genuine. It's not built on your convictions, it's built on their own convictions.
Friendship phase: 18 and up. Now that your children are making their owndecision, they are getting ready to strike out on their own. They don’t want somebody telling them what to do. They want someone who is cheering for them. An advocate, not a commander. Because your relationship is secure, you can have divergent opinions and still remain friends. In this phase your children trust you and come to you for wisdom, not rules. You will also enjoy learning new things from them. After all, they have begun to walk in the unique calling God has placed on them. They will impart wisdom back to you.
I have seen many parents try to be friends with toddler, to treat him like a peer.And I have seen many parents treat their 18 year old like a toddler. Here is something grievous I have seen: when you treat your toddler like a peer, you will raise up a tyrant. When you treat your 18-year-old like a toddler you will create an enemy. I covered this same subject in week 2; but, it bears repeating. Young children often rebel against authority because they want their own way. Selfishness has to be lovingly trained out of them. And they need to learn that you and God are a loving authority that will lead them in the right direction. But by the time the child is in their mid-teens, or later, you can’t demand respect from them. A teenager is not usually rebelling against authority, a teenagerusually rebels against a broken relationship. This is a much harder situation to amend when dealing with a teen. If you have a broken relationship with a teen, you will have to ask their forgiveness. Forgiveness, in that you have handled these different phases incorrectly, and that you are learning to correct things as best as you can. I would suggest doing the right thing at a young age so that you don’t lose your relationship with the child as they get ready to leave home.
Practical example.
The way you interact and give instructions to your children should change over time. Consider these scenarios.
Phase 1 (parental authority). You can only play in the backyard. You can’t goto the park unless a parent goes with you. A two year old may ask, “Why?” I would answer with another question, “Who is the Dad?” In other words, “I'm the parent and you need to obey.” This is a sufficient answer for a little child. They are not able to comprehend that child predators may be at the park. Nor do you want to delineate for their young mind all the perversions of a pedophile.
Phase 2 (coaching). Your 12-year-old wants to go down the block to playbaseball with his friends. At this age it’s fine for him to go because he understands that there are certain characters to be aware of. “You can play baseball, but I want you to stay in a group and come home as soon as you’re done.” Your son may ask, “Why.” In this phase you give reasons for your instructions. “Because there is safety in groups and dinner will be ready by then. We enjoy spending time together as a whole family.” You are still the parent, you are still in charge; but, your instructions are built upon virtues and reasonsthat he can grasp and agree with.
Phase 3 (friendship). You ask your 25 year-old daughter if she is free Saturdaymorning. “Why?” she asks. “Because I can’t figure out what Mom needs for Christmas and I know you have great ideas. Just let me know if it works with your schedule. It would be fun to see you if you have time. If not, let’s make it another time.” This is a request, not a demand. Your daughter is an adult, she deserves respect for her ownschedule.
QuestionsWhat do young children typically rebel against?
What do teens typically rebel against?
Which phase of parenting should your children be in right now?
How do instructions differ from phase 1 and phase 2?
How do instructions differ from phase 2 and phase 3?

Phil Lorenz- EP:99

Hey folks welcome back to another Timonspodcast. This week I had the pleasure to chat with Phil Lorenz. We talk Twitter, clothing, butchery and so much more. 
 
You can check out his stuff on Twitter @eldiabeeto 
 
As for me, you can find me on Twitter @timonspodcast
Or email me timonspodcast@gmail.com
 
thanks for joining this adventure, until next time

The Definition of a Family - AFBF

Aiming for Biblical Families (AFBF). This is week 3's teaching of an 8-week series taught by my dad. We will only release 7 of the 8 episodes. Show notes below. The show Questions are below that.
 
You can reach me Timonspodcast@gmail.com
 
The definition of a family begins with a husband and a wife. Take a look at
Genesis 2:18:Then the LORD God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I willmake him a helper fit for him.”
God made the statement that it was not good for man to be alone. Notice howGod answers this dilemma. With a wife, not with children. Children are added later into a family that already exists. This does not diminish the value of a child. We just need to look at the pattern. God made the Garden of Eden and Adam was in the garden with God.
He had purpose, provision, everything he needed. And because he had perfect communion with God he was not lonely, as people often assume. But God's plan was for Adam to multiply other humans who would duplicate and expand the Garden of Eden across the earth. Thus, it was not good for Adam to be alone. God created the perfect partner, Eve, to help Adam take care of the garden and grow a family. This was God’s structure for family. First, the couple who have God's vision for the world, then children come into a safe place, a garden, and learn about God and His vision. Please listen, the husband andwife relationship, needs to be as secure as possible so that children can be safely added to it.
Notice also that the biblical model is one man and one woman. Variances on this model will have consequences, they will most likely weaken, the outcome of a child’s development. I am not here to discourage those who have been divorced; but, you must trust the Lord to help fill in the gaps or wounds left by divorce.
There are some things I want you to remember. First, work at keeping yourmarriage healthy. An unhealthy marriage will wound a child’s development. Second, be careful not to turn your focus away from your marriage and onto your children. Yes, they do need time and attention, but do not fall into the trap of a child-centered home. A child-centered home gives the child the authority to run the home and the marriage. This trains the child to become overly self-important and selfish. It fosters a disregard for human authority, and God’s authority. These parents become married to the children not to eachother. Once the children are gone, the husband and wife relationship will become empty.
In fact, it has been empty for years.
On the other hand, do not fall into the trap of becoming an authoritarian home.An authoritarian home will view children as a continual burden. Children will always fail to meet parental expectations. In fact, these parents convince themselves that their children will go on failing throughout life. Parents usually don’t realize their sins until it’s too late, when the children have grown up and left home. So then, when they want to re-ignite a lost relationship with the children, so much damage has been done that the children will not respond. Or the adult children will only remain acquaintances at best.
 
Questions
Where do children fit into the family?
How do parents become married to their children?
Why do some parents view kids as a burden?
What happens to a child-centered home once the children leave?
What happens in an authoritarian home once the children leave?
A practical application for this week is implementing something called “couch time.”  Pick a time of day, probably after work, when you and your spouse can sit down for just 5 or 10 minutes to discuss your day.  Don’t allow your children to interrupt. This may take several weeks of training; but, it will pay off.  This does a couple of things.  It will help your children to see that your relationship is strong, that your relationship is important, that your relationship is secure.  It also sets good authority and leadership were it belongs, with the parents.

Joe Mehl - EP:98

Hey folks welcome back to another Timonspodcast. This week I had the pleasure to chat with Joe Mehl. He’s a total stud doing big things. He just won a prestigious 40 under 40 award from rv pro.mag. He is very cool, please enjoy this conversation.
 
You can check out his stuff on YouTube @JoeMehl  and  @alliancerv 
 
As for me, you can find me on Twitter @timonspodcast
Or email me timonspodcast@gmail.com
 
thanks for joining this adventure, until next time

Don’t be a Hypocrite - AFBF/Dadcast

Aiming for Biblical Families (AFBF). This is week 2's teaching of an 8-week series taught by my dad. We will only release 7 of the 8 episodes. Show notes below. The show Questions are below that.
 
You can reach me Timonspodcast@gmail.com
 
I have seen many Christians train their kids to act morally, but they fail to traintheir kids to think morally. Unfortunately, children or grown-ups who only act morally, but do not think morally are in danger of becoming hypocrites. A hypocrite is someone who acts one way while their heart is somewhere else.
Around age 3 or so children can begin to grasp the moral reason why some thing is wrong or right. This is when you want to begin training the child to think of why something is good or bad. But don't get the process backward! I have often witnessed parents treating a toddler as if they were a peer. On the other hand, I have witnessed parents chiding a 15 or 16 year old as if he were a toddler. If you exalt a toddler to the position of an adult, you’ll create a monster. If by the age of 12 they don’t respect you, you may have already lost the battle (I will address this in a few weeks). But when you treat a teenager like a little toddler, you will only deepen the chasm between your eroding relationship.
Temperaments and personalities differ in each child, but biblical principlesremain the same. We must train to the standard of scripture, not to personality. Whether you’re shy or outgoing, emotional or stoic, the Bible is your standard. The fifth commandment: honor your father and mother is a commandment, not just a good idea to follow if you feel like it. Now I know some parents are difficult to honor. And I’m not going to get into the weeds on that subject here. I’m just pointing out that God’s word needs to be applied to everyone, at every age, with every temperament.
Consider the parable of the two sons Matthew 21:28-32. There are two differentpersonalities at play here; one is disrespectful, one is a hypocrite. The son who resisted his father's will ended up doing what was right. The other failed. We should strive to do better than either son.
Principle over Law
Younger children under 5 need to respond to parental authority. You can't reason with a toddler, he simply needs to obey. But as your child ages, you need to introduce something deeper than rules. The law is insufficient to produce moral character. Laws set boundaries against evil, they should protect a child from moral, emotional and physical harm. But rules won’t necessarily create in a child a love for God. I believe that there are underlying principles behind every biblical command or rule that relates the heart of Godfor His people. You must learn how to train your children about the principle that lies behind the law. For example, a father tells his child it is bedtime. He must not get out of bed, he needs to get a full nights rest. What happens if there is a fire? Should the child lay in bed while the house burns down? What if he becomes sick? Should he lay in bed in his own vomit because he wasn’t supposed to get out of bed? No. The command, “stay in bed,” was meant for the welfare of the child's health. His well-being was the heart, the principle, behind the command. Laws have specific instructions, but they will not haveanswers for every situation.
Principles, on the other hand, train you how to read the context of differingsituations. The principle from the above story is that a child needs rest for his own well being. He needs to go to bed when the parents have determined the proper time. But it’s also healthy to get out of bed if he is sick or needs to use the toilet. It is very healthy to leave his bed and get out of the house if it’s on fire. This is the difference between law and principle. Matthew 15:7-9 is a prime example. Jesus rebuked the Pharisees, because they were obeying the doctrines of men; but, in doing so, they were violating the word of God. Their own man-made rules nullified the principles of God. Principles that would have allow them to live in freedom and harmony.
Practical example:
You drive by the park and there is a sign that says, “$250 fine for littering.” Thisis the law. Break it and you will pay the consequences. But what is the principle behind the law? Listen to Philippines 2:3-4
Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others moresignificant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests,but also to the interests of others.
Throwing trash on the ground is selfish and lazy. You are ruining the visual beauty of the park because it's inconvenient for you to take your trash to the garbage can. And someone else is going to have to pick your trash up for you because you were not considering the preciousness of others. A violation of the scripture above. The person motivated by the law fears reprisal. The person motivated by the virtue of the biblical principle is considerate of others who want to enjoy the park as well as you. Operating out of principles is a sign of maturity. This is what we want for our children.
QuestionsAre your children ready to receive the moral explanations for the instructions you givethem?
Do your instructions have moral reasoning behind them?
How can you train your children to not only behave honorably, but to have a heart fordoing what is good?
Discuss with your spouse, the difference between law and principle. How can you trainthis into your children?
Laws can be good. What are some laws that you have in place to protect your children?
What are the principles behind your rules?
Are your rules too legalistic, or have you failed at having any rules at all?
Do your children need more boundaries, or more space to think about what they do?
Discuss with your spouse if the rules you place in your family are legal only, or are they getting at the heart of God’s word?

Conspiracies’ in the basement with Lincoln

Hello folks, welcome back to another podcast. I sit down with my longtime best friend Lincoln. We talk about life, work, and conspiracies. Are you familiar with mud flood? Do you think Hitler was communing with the devil on the throne of satan at Nuremberg? We discuss this and more on today's episode, enjoy!
 
You can email me at timonspodcast@gmail.com
or find me on twitter @timonspodcast
 
Blessings

Authoritarian versus permissive parenting - AFBF/Dadcast

Aiming for Biblical Families (AFBF). This is week 1's teaching of an 8-week series taught by my dad. We will only release 7 of the 8 episodes. Show notes below. Show Questions are below that.
 
You can reach me Timonspodcast@gmail.com
 
"Aiming for Biblical Families (10/23)
Before we start this parenting series we want disclose some things to you. First,we want to lower your expectations. If you’re looking for logical or behavioral methods to get a quick-fix for problem children, you will be disappointed. You need to think long-term, decades, to see the value of your investment. Your family is worth the investment.
Second, you must remember that we are flawed individuals and are still growing as parents. We have made plenty of mistakes. We are not your model the Lord is. But we want to help you incorporate the things we’ve done right and avoid the things we’ve done wrong. Jesus must be the center of your marriage and your family. He has all the correct answers, we do not. Third, those of you who are foster parents should know that my wife and I have had no experience raising foster kids. These classes will be helpful; but, they will be insufficient for some of the deeper trauma that foster kids have suffered. Basically, they have experienced abandonment. The best you can do is strive to give them a safe family structure in which they can flourish and heal. Fourth, in the 1990's we were heavily influenced by a teaching series called “Growing Kids God's Way.” The teaching we received in this series averted us from making multiple mistakes in parenting. I didn't agree with everything in the curriculum; but, much of it was very insightful.
Unfortunately, that ministry was erased because of alleged financial misdealings. Dr. Dobson, who once headed up Focus on the Family ministries, was highly critical of Growing Kids. Dobson, in my opinion, sometimes took ideas from secular psychology and white-washed them with biblical concepts. He also has been accused of inappropriate behavior. I don't know how accurate any of these accusations are, you can still find helpful teaching in both camps. And this relates to what we are going to teach. We want to be helpful; but we are fallible. You must decide what is best for your own family
.
After all, you are the best candidate for raising your own children.
 
Week 1: Authoritarian versus permissive parenting.
 
Authoritarian and permissive parenting are two competing models of parentingthat will destroy your family. Over the past 40 years, I have seen devout Christian parents operate in both extremes. I have received disapproval from parents who said I was too strict. I have received disapproval from parents who said I was not strict enough.
Unfortunately, those accusers now have broken families. What I want you to aim for is a biblical model that avoids both extremes.
Authoritarian parenting focuses mainly on rules and outward behavior only. Themotivation used by parents is fear, “You will do what I say, or else you will be punished.”
So the child complies in order to avoid conflict, or they are obedient out of fear of reprisal for breaking the rules. This kind of parenting does not teach principles, nor does it elevate virtue. The child will be compliant outwardly; but, inwardly he will yearn for rebellion.
One outcome, as the child ages, is fear of failure. He must be successful in order to prove he is worthy of parental approval. Another outcome may be that he will begin to see everyone as morally inferior, because everyone falls short of his family's high standards. Or he may become so hateful towards his upbringing, that he rejects all forms of authority. Authoritarian parents can become verbally abusive, emotionally abusive, and even physically abusive.
Permissive parenting is not concerned with suppressing evil or elevating good, it focuses on developing a positive environment for the child. This sounds good at first; but, it usually leads to the kind of parenting that is centered on the child at the expense of morality. This eventually leads to a child that is egocentric, manipulative and destructive.
If the child doesn’t get what he wants he will throw a tantrum until the parent complies. Permissive parents become exhausted trying to satisfy the wants and desires of the child and will usually give in to the child to avoid conflict. This leads to toleration of wrong behavior as a coping mechanism. Toleration of rebellion will destroy family relationships and family members. As the child ages, he will not only demand whatever he wants from his parents, he will also expect people outside of his family to placate his every demand aswell. Families and communities that bolster this thinking eventually spiral into hedonism and lawlessness.
There are shades and variations of each extreme. What we want to do to is avoid extremes of either type of parenting. What we want to do is raise children who love the Lord and love their family. We want them to do what is right morally because it flows out of a heart that is captured by the Lord.
Here is an example of authoritarian parenting. In 1 Samuel 14, king Saul makesa rash vow. He lays down rules that have nothing to do with scripture, forcing all his fighting men to obey a law he made up on the spot. His son Jonathan violates that vow accidentally. He didn’t hear the mandate that king Saul had made. When king Saul realized that Jonathan had defied his command, he declared that he would execute Jonathan for disobeying his vow. This is an example of authoritarian leadership. The rules weren’t necessarily based on scriptural principles, yet defying those rules leads to severepunishment.
At the end of 1 Samuel chapter 2, we find the opposite model of permissiveparenting. Eli has raised sons that were permitted to do pretty much whatever they wanted. It was eventually too late. In verses 22 – 26 we see Eli rebuking his adult sons. But by then they would not listen to the voice of their father. They had become so corrupt that God put a death sentence upon them.Here is what we and our children need to aim for:
He hath shewed thee, O man, what is good; and what doth the LORDrequire of thee, but to do justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly withthy God? Micah 6:8
Justice is not focused on a penal code (like authoritarian parents are), it puts broken things back in order. Mercy does not ignore rebellion (like permissive parents do), it is loyal love for God and others. We must walk humbly with God. Our dependency is on God: not the slum-life of our present cultural norms or a particular denomination's religious slavery".Questions:These questions are not meant to dishonor your parents, your parents did the best they could.
Were you raised in either extreme, the authoritarian or permissive model?
Are you apt to mimic either extreme?
How can you avoid either extreme?
What can you redeem from your upbringing? What should you change?

Marshall King - EP:97

Hey folks welcome back with another real conversation. I sat down with Marshall King. He's a local author, story teller, disc golfer and food enjoyer. You'll love this conversation. 
 
You can get his book here - Disarmed - Menno Media
You can find him at Marshall V. King/hungrymarshall
Join his substack The Hungry Newsletter | hungrymarshall | Substack
 
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thanks for joining this adventure, until next time